Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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