So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
