at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
