The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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