Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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