i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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