chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
