I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
