so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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