Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Randomize
