I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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