The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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