She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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