I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My orgasm happened in two different decades
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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