Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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