if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
