i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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