There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
