It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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