I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
