Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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