If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
