do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
