Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
