I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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