YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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