He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
