dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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