Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
