he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize