party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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