Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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