I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
