Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
