Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
