They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
