omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
