i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
