You really coming over, don't trick.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
