The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
