I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
