very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
