I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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