i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
