cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
