the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think people are normalizing furries
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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