You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
