he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize