david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
