I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
