I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
