The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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