I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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