You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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