you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just high enough for therapy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
