just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize