hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize