Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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