That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i dont even know how to be here
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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