We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
