i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
