he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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