dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
