im holly from the hills drunk
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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