I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
