I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
