I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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