I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize