so that wasnt chicken after all
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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