my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
