so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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