Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
