In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
